5 more days to Exams~ I am only praying to pass

I see the confidence slowly diminishing- slowly evaporating into the winter air.

Plus…Im still constantly checking the visa site… I really want to spend my winter holiday in Canada with my sister and to meet all the dear people I miss..

Please let me do good during exams and Please let me go to Canada…

Please

I do not wear glasses anymore…but thinking about wearing it for exams..Maybe If i look smart and nerdy enough..I might just pass =) Desperate times calls for Desperate Movements

Is it you or is it me? Is it gravity simply pulling us apart? I do not understand why am I upset over it. I guess unsettled is the word.Clash of interest- maybe.

I want to not care. I want to ignore . Most of all I want to stand up tall and say I have nothing to lose because I really don’t.

I am a girl blessed with a million things and this just isn’t one of them.  I knew that since a long time ago. But the question is …Is it you or is it me?

but then again…Does it really matter?

Because Nothing last forever~ Nothing really matters.

There I was lathering soap – washing off the day’s makeup..there I was thinking how you walked pass me without even noticing I was actually just standing there. There I was once again invisible, how you did not see me-how you never did.

But then again, as the thought finish forming in this head of mine, I actually asked myself…What is it do you want my dear?I am usually pretty clear headed.

One minute you wished you might accidentally come face to face with him. One minute you wished to see the smile again. and then the next you just turn around blaming him for smiling.

Do you or do you not?

The moment when you are actually not seen. You complain that you are not seen.

Its a mess-up spiderweb up in the head of mine.Only this can mess the clear-headed mind unfortunately. It seems somehow this crazy mess up girl is counting down to the day and then in a minute or two..she actually misses.

I think it will never stop so I am going to just accept the fact.Besides I found a distraction~ Im ready to fall in love =)

Someone please call Top from Big Bang~ My heart practically jumped when his song pop into my shuffler today. His uber sexy voice and uber sexy eyes and the uber sexy body and the uber sexy vibe ….. ….

I am at peace ~

P/S From now on, if someone say girls are complicated~ I am going to answer yes. Girls ARE complicated.

Correction. Christmas was my favorite holiday. Moscow is unfair. It sucks out all the joy and laughter. I mean who goes to school on Christmas?

Blogging seems a little personal these days considering 24 years-olds are enraged with hormones. Maybe it is a good thing that I hardly had readers.

I really should be reading the textbook right now. Amazing that I am allowed to ramble just because…

I am  craving a million things right now

Ben & Jerry’s thats one.Soon. with my sister =)

I really want a new perfume~Chloe Love and Gucci floral seems really nice.

Im craving movies. A good movie is hard to come by these day.Like a book,I think movies enhances everything~ the little things thats hard to come by in real life is all possible in movies. You know those little entourage they called friends, the ones who punch someone down for you. The ones who would sit around till 4am with ice cream if you are all upset. The ones who will not leave you despite consequences.

I want awesome housemates like Jess in New Girl. Must be cool having 3 dudes as housemates haha.

I wish  my life is like a movie. How do you get gorgeous movie star boyfriends anymore? do not happen in real-life. I want a boyfriend as awesome as Blaine or Damon Salvatore. Yea go ahead and kill those vampires for me and walk on fire for me ..I dont really need that. I do want to see fire in those eyes though haha~

How do you suddenly just end up with billion of dollars inheritance? Do not happen in real-life. I still want that gorgeous silver LV bag.

GIrls in movies have perfect hair, perfect wardrobe and walk heads up with Louboutin and I cant survive 10 mins in 2 inch heels.They own the confidence in their eyes and their smile.How the hell do you do that.

alright, Im going to stop rumbling just because Glee is singing a really awesome song right now and I have to do the dishes.Man I can I just break them all and buy new ones..I hate doing dishes

Just the other day, I met 2 friends who recently hooked up and got together. I used to be really good friends with the guy and the girl. I know her and she is a really nice girl. We used to talk ,this girl and I. We are not exactly really close but we used to talk smile and at least say hi. So when I heard that they both got together..I was really happy for them and seriously thought they were meant to be together. They are gorgeous together.They even have the couple

But twice now~ I met them. He would look at me and say hi and rush off and she wouldnt even want to talk to me anymore. Everytime I see them..they would just stop talking or holding hands and she would just run off and he will have the ” I just saw a ghost” look. It was as if they were saying.. ” Why do we have to see her?”

I really do not understand~Did I do something or said something I should not have? I only want to be friendly. I want to be nice to you. Why am i not allowed to? I am even afraid to send birthday messages now.

Am I scary or mean or maybe even bitchy..that it seems like all my friend’s girlfriends really do not like me..Am I not even worth it to be introduced to? Is our friendship really that worthless to you?

I guess this constant reoccurring are constant reminder of my promise that I will try my very best to not forsake my friends because of a guy….

Sad but all my friends walk out on me. Ok most of my friends walk out on me. Sad to say that I am rather used to it now. I accepted the fact that in life God send us people who will leave footprints in our life. When the time is up, they will start to leave and new friends would enter our life.

The thing with me is.I still feel hurt when they walk out on me even though its the hundredth time. And the thing is…when you walk out on me, you can’t just waltzed back in. We can no longer be friends…just acquaintance maybe. Maybe we used to have dinner together…but if they once walked out on me..how can we even have coffee anymore..

Forgive me if you think I’m shallow but its called protection mechanism.

P.s If Kienseng or Waywen’s girlfriend hate me.. I would really not know what to do. One is practically my brother and the other is my closest friend ever…I hope their girlfriends won’t hate me.

on the other hand..Im glad Diana and I are really good together.. Despite the fact she knows I see her bf..oops..husband all the time since we are classmates

Your smile is true

Your laugh’s contagious

and your heart is true

There’s beauty in your youch

and your kiss is love

you are everything

a guy dream of <3

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.  Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

Rosemarie Urquico

~Digital Daggers 

I learnt one thing in love. There is no right or wrong..its just how we perceive it as. Years and years now i’ve been succumbed to silly thoughts. I used to wonder why were songs of heartache written for ~ when listening to them hurt so much.Seriously though, some songs really speak your deepest secret as though your diary is being broadcasted on air.

When I close my eyes I think of  times before. They are really nothing more than memories now.I remember back when I thought  my world was complete just by standing beside a certain someone or just simply seeing that smile.Honestly speaking, till date I have yet heard a voice through the telephone that made my heart all giddy.I would tell you all my silly stories but you are going to make fun of me haha~ so for now i’ll keep it to myself

I think I really did gave my best. I think I really tried. I wouldn’t dare say that I didn’t deserve the things you do. I had always hope that somehow my actions were obvious enough for the eyes to see. Can you actually see hurt in someone’s eyes? Can you actually feel the pain through someone’s words? People claimed that they can tell.

I remember the smile and laughter. I remember the tears too.I remembered that it was possible to feel all the feelings in the world at the same time in less than 1 minute.Sometimes I remember the pain more. Sometimes I remember the laughter more.I do remember.

There are questions Im still dying to ask. There are answers Im still dying to know. but I decided to pack it in a box along with other keepsakes and ship them somewhere I will never find.We simply can’t hold on to the past forever

I am envious of friends who fall and trust in love so easily. I did give love a chance after that chapter. It was the worse thing I have ever did haha~ I have already programmed my memory to forget that segment of my life. =p

Love…as for me…I guess you really have to sell me like a used car salesman

Because I associate falling in love to that rainy night, drenched in rain – that dark room at the corner with tears streaming and the first time I knew that it was possible to feel that much pain.